after all this time, i still can’t give it up. It’s strange when, it’s the only thing, that still keeps me holding, after all what happened. Till now, i thought, that this is not a choice, it was meant to be. But now, i am choosing. And some may say it is running. But how come it is so, if i am stagnant. it’s like the center of Dante’s hell. The ninth circle. Cause I have betrayed myself. What an assentation to someone i don’t even know, Perhaps to everyone at once.  The absolute stagnation. There are a lot of things i regret doing, mostly of those who had hurt others. But what could i say?  I am sorry, because i wanted to break through from some kind of magical and superstitious stagnation sense? Or explain, that i need to break and destroy everything around me, so i could be happy, and trick myself into thinking that something’s changing?  For once, no matter how unrational it may look, i should do something, that makes sense to me. And only me. And this time it shouldn’t involve anyone.